How to Kill a Rubber Bunny :: DEFEND THE CITY

How to Kill a Rubber Bunny

An Official Guide from the DEPARTMENT OF MONSTER MANAGEMENT

Do you have a problem with Rubber Bunnies? Are Rubber Bunny infestations taking over your home or work place? Are your pets coming home with bandages on their tails? THE DEPARTMENT OF MONSTER MANAGEMENT can help!

We all see Rubber Bunnies rooting around in our trash and harassing our pets as they do their business. They are intimidating! Their teeth and their hissing noises are just nasty!

Well, have no fear! Rubber bunnies have weaknesses. You too can learn the Rubber Bunnies vulnerabilities, and how best to manage this pest. We are going to teach you the TOP ways to defeat the Rubber Bunny.

METHOD 1: PROTECT YOURSELF WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF WATER

RUBBER BUNNIES HATE WATER. They really do! They can’t swim (bonus!) and they hate feeling wet. Rubber Bunnies have no arms, no legs, and are very heavy. Therefore, they cannot doggie-paddle. This means they sink like a stone. Take advantage of this!

If you find yourself being followed by a pack of Rubber Bunnies try to find a body of water such as a stream or river and head towards it. Hot tubs or other citizen-made bodies of water will also work as long as they are large enough to completely submerge all the Rubber Bunnies chasing you. It may take some practice to trick the Rubber Bunnies into the water, but often a gentle kick is all it takes!

Please be mindful, that when a Rubber Bunny is tossed in a body of water, it will let out a high pitch hissing noise. This sound can be quite startling and loud. If you plan on tossing more then 5 Rubber Bunnies into water you may want to bring some type of ear protection.

METHOD 2: USE A RINGING PHONE

Rubber Bunnies cannot stand the sound of ringing phones. (Strange, but true!) If they hear a ringing phone, they immediately seek to destroy it by chewing it into pieces. Use this to your advantage!

If you can make a phone ring continuously, the Rubber Bunny will attack it so vigorously that it will choke on the pieces. This works best if you have a friend that can call the phone if you can’t. Remember: TAKE A BUDDY.

If you don’t already have a rotary telephone, go out and purchase one today! Once you’ve acquired your telephone, place it near the bunnies nest. Then call it!

Call the phone with your own cellular phone. If you don’t have a cellular phone handy, find a number that is not listed on a telemarketer no-call list and wait until dinner time. The phone is almost guaranteed to ring non-stop until bedtime.

METHOD 3: USE THE BEAUTY OF NATURE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Rubber Bunnies detest most items found in nature, especially beautiful things! They prefer to nestle in piles of trash and plastic. This is their natural habitat and why you usually see them hanging in back alleys. This good to know!

Try to coax them away from their natural hang-outs and into areas they feel less comfortable. Try to lure them into areas that are more beautiful! Well landscaped city parks and gardens are places Rubber Bunnies strongly dislike. We strongly advise against using your own pets as a method to lure them. Instead try hot-dogs.

If you can’t lure them into an area of overwhelming beauty, decorate their space! They especially hate flowers. Bright colorful flowers are highly offensive to their senses.

When confronted by flowers they will immediately close their eyes and freeze in place. Rubber Bunnies will not move until the flowers are taken away. If the flowers are not removed a Rubber Bunny will stay in place indefinitely, eventually starving to death. Remember this!

METHOD 4: TRAP THEM IN TRASH CANS

Rubber Bunnies LOVE trash. They love it, especially when it’s fresh! They smell it and roll around and play in it! (Gross!)

Remember they don’t have legs! This severely limits there jumping ability! While they can easily escape from small trash cans found in average home, they can’t jump high enough to escape a dumpster! (We got em!)

Here’s what to do. Lure the Rubber Bunny to a fresh pile of trash, preferably in a waste basket. The Rubber Bunny will be so enamored with the fresh trash it will not notice when you pick up the container. Take that container and immediately throw the trash into the closest dumpster.

The Rubber Bunny will not be able to escape, and eventually be crushed by the trash compactor at your local junk yard. This may seem cruel at first, but take time to remember the last time your pet came home missing its tail.

SUMMING UP

These foolproof methods will help you rid yourself of your Rubber Bunnies in a jiffy! No longer do you have to be afraid or intimidated by a trash-eating vermin! (Yeah!)

However, if your Rubber Bunny infestation is too great, or you feel that your safety has been compromised, contact the Department of Monster Management as soon as possible.

And As always, remember to DEFEND THE CITY!